Ritual Amidst Disruption
Where I am finding my grounding in what feels like never-ending upheaval
It’s the time of the season for reinvesting in rituals that once served us but faded under the brightness of summer sun.
I struggle with focus and comprehension, it’s part Autism, part PTSD, part ADHD, maybe just a mix of it all. In my gut, I year to learn, to know and absorb. My intuition is strong and my creativity is endless, but my memory and ability to take in information is scattered. Without ritual or routine, I find my external and internal self in a state of disarray. Yet often, once I’ve built a beautiful ritual or habit, I resist it or abandon it. Apparently this is a very common trait of folks with any of the labels I mentioned above. And this summer, amidst a lot of external chaos, I abandoned my tarot routine of pulling one card every morning. My practice of tarot is core to my mental health and emotional wellbeing. One card each morning pulled to ground my thoughts, pull me out of the daydreamer state I often find myself in, and to direct my thoughts and feelings for the day ahead.
I’m reflecting on the many routines I’ve held throughout my life. I mentioned in my most recent newsletter that I was raised to care for everyone around me while neglecting my own needs. Well, there were some intuitive ways I found to self soothe during my childhood that I’d like to integrate into the now. One way I self-soothed as a 12 year old was by listening to Moby’s album PLAY while I “played” with a virtual architecture cd rom that let me create and design spaces that comforted me. So what am I doing right now to re-parent myself, self-sooth, and connect with my shadow self? I’m listening to Moby’s album PLAY. Weirdly, or call it synchronicity, I looked up the name of the song playing right now and it’s called Memory Gospel. Ouch, my heart.
I listen and I feel almost transported to a younger self, but I’m still here and still contemplating the disruptions in my singular life and those impacting the world. There’s nothing I can say perfectly, concisely or speak to with enough research on what is happening with Israel and Palestine. I’m a random white femme/androgynous person with comprehension issues in America, wanting to understand, and failing often. But trying, still. All I can claim to know or at least believe is: Protect all civilians, no bombs, no war, no hate. No islamophobia. No antisemitism. No to the occupation of Palestine. And no to my tax dollars going to funding war. Yes to calling people in power and demanding a cease fire. Yes to loving my Jewish and Muslim relatives and all those under those labels. Yes to loving people and also condemning those who use fear, hate, greed and a lust for power to elicit violence against their neighbor. Yes to understanding I cannot and will not please all my relatives in my stances nor beliefs. Yes to knowing that I don’t know enough and also, I must keep seeking to learn and be willing to listen. And as I seek to care for others, I must care for myself as well.
Humans are dysfunctional, as decided by the rules and exceptions we place upon ourselves and then disrupt. We are flawed, only if we decide there is some perfect example to be compared to. We are chaotic, in comparison to idealized structure. We are messy, only if you expect perfection. Humans just are. We are. MANY. A lot. We are human. We have histories of fighting and peace, and I see no clear through line or perfect moment in time that has passed. I see humans being the animals we are, overly intellectualizing our existence and often placing our value above other animals, getting lost within our own minds, having moments of beautiful clarity, and profoundly self-centered on individual and group levels. Are we rooted in self-preservation just like any other animal? What selfishness is good or bad? What is neutral? Are we somehow more special, capable of a better existence and a better way of life than other animals? I don’t get it, I don’t know it, a lot of things in the world of humans feel like a whole lot of bs and lies, but here I am, contemplating it all anyway. And also remembering, I need to ground myself.
I pull a tarot card. I pull another. And I pull one more.
I pull a set of 3 tarot cards when I’m feeling especially dis-regulated and need something outside of myself, something tactile or help me reflect, be present, and look forward. PAST | PRESENT | FUTURE. How do these 3 things inform my ability to take care of myself right now and can I find any guidance in the art and narrative of each card?
PAST PRESENT FUTURE
PAST:
The Hierophant
Mentorship, guidance, and knowledge gained are the key elements of the Hierophant. It’s time to seek out new or deeper teachings. Whether you are in pursuit of practical or spiritual knowledge, your resource for wisdom is just around the corner. Be wary of attaching too heavily to charismatic leaders. Avoid houses of learning that preach a singular narrative of one path or one truth. Observing the threads of wisdom woven through the ages will help you gain deeper knowledge. No single path can complete you. You complete you. And so, seek guidance and variety in the ways you acquire information.
My Personal Reflection in the Now:
I feel like I relied far to heavily on religious leaders as definers of truth when I was younger. And it only caused me more stress, fear and worry. I know now, there are truths hidden throughout history, but the key for healthy absorption of information now is to always run it by my intuition as a check, “Does this resonate within me with dissonance or clarity?”
PRESENT:
The Star
Even on the darkest of nights, there is a shimmer of light in the sky. They are not always easy to see or feel, but the stars remain steady and glittering; within them there is hope and peace to be found. Pause and look beyond whatever is clouding your connection to your higher self. Now is the time to listen to your inner voice, the calming heavenly space where clarity abounds. There is no need for action: Now is a time for revelry in hope and wonder, a peace found in unknowing. Rest under the light of the stars.
I am needing these words right now. I feel triggered to action. But my prompting should not come from a trigger, it should be rooted in sound decision making, not impulsive response. I want to know what hope feels like again. I had hope as a younger person and I must admit, I lack that now. I will pursue hope in a new way.
FUTURE:
Oracle of Pentacles
Fertility abounds and abundance meets you with ease. This down-to-earth, grounded Oracle is a magnet for a bountiful harvest. You may be experiencing a flux of material wealth, success, or love, but that doesn’t give you permission to overindulge. Discern when to invest, when to spend, and when to be more conservative with your resources. This is also a card of striking a work-life balance.
I want to remember the micro hope amidst the macro hope. I cannot expect the world to respond and turn towards my drop of hope in a sea of opinions and beliefs. There is no true north, though I wish there was. But I can still hope. My hope can be bigger in my own small world, my own actions, and within the things that are actually in my control. I can place expectations upon me, and no one else. I am in a period of life where I do need to focus much more heavily on my work, my craft, what fuels me financially and soulfully, and I need to consider what is “next.” When hoping or scheming on what is next, I want to be mindful about combining the need for self preservation AND contribution to the wellbeing of others. I am dreaming of writing a new book about holding many selves, I am working on art, and I hope, with time, these become resources of sustenance for me and for many.
A few things to note:
The info about each card was written by me and my co-author Callie Little for our tarot deck and workbook out next Fall.
In our deck, we have renamed the court cards, traditionally known as “Daughter/Son/Mother/Father or Page/Knight/Queen/King” to 4 new names. Why? Because why do the court cards need to be gendered or reference traditional, patriarchal hierarchies? Our “page” is the Apprentice. They are new and eager in their journey of learning, an early stage of gaining awareness. Our “knight” is the Champion. They’ve gained some knowledge though they’re still in a stage of early triumph and more inner wisdom is needed. Our “Queen” is the Oracle. A sense of wisdom has been gained that speaks to an inner knowing, a deeper awareness and seeing, but there is still a way to go for this wisdom to be complete. Our “King” is the Elder. The elder holds the wisdom gained from all aspects and journeys of a life well lived, from inner and outer awareness to lightness and depth, they house harmony of complex knowledge.
3. Text that looks like this is my contemplation of how the card guides me right now.
Tarot helps me reframe whatever is stirring in my soul. By pulling those three cards I hit on the big 3 things occupying my mind as of late: Complicated feelings about my upbringing, confusion of where to hold hope in the present, and worry about my career, finances and future. I gained: Greater awareness of what does and does not serve me from the past, how to hold hope even when things feel cloudy and grey, and trust that I will create bounty for me and others with mindfulness and discernment in the future. And I hope in sharing my observations and reflections, you find truths and hope for yourself as well.
I encourage you to return to whatever rituals help you feel grounded this Fall. Our clocks were just set back an hour which means were entering the literal darkest days of the year where we all just want to feel cozy and cared for. You, my friend, are the best resource for your own self-care. Are there any wishes you had for caring for yourself better in 2023 that fell to the wayside? No need for shame, that’s just a waste of your precious life and time. Now is the beautiful season of turning a new leaf, and you can do just that. Whatever you once abandoned in caring for yourself and your needs, clear the dust and start again. Your commitment to you starts now.
The Grounded Now
I’ve been painting holiday ornaments as a grounding practice, a source of sweetness, and as a way to provide affordable art to you that you can use for a lifetime. Check out the variety of ornaments for just $20 each on mooreaseal.com.
Ps, buy 3 and you’ll get a 4th free!As an artist and small biz person, I’m forever inspired and motivated by other artists (and when I’m not my best self, kinda jealous of these incredible humans too. Let’s be real folks!): Bekah Worley, Tuesday Bassen, Caitlin Metz, Odd Daughter Paper Co, Modern Science Project, Teresa Grasseschi, Laura Burkhart, and Alexandra Zee. I personally know all these people except for one. And they are all treasures.
Um, has your IUD ever gotten lost inside you? TMI? Nah, we should talk about this stuff. When I went to get my IUD removed 2 months ago, my gp couldn’t find it! Thank you for gynecologists. I’d like to shout out Dr. Emma Stephens at Kaiser here in Seattle for being so kind, for speaking in such a trauma informed way and for finding the damn IUD. Bless the good folks who care for our bodies.
I’m considering curating goods on my website again after a SOLID 3 year break. I’ve found my way back to painting again because of closing my once booming retail store and site. I needed that! And I’m still writing books which never stopped. But, I miss the good in curating beautiful objects. It’s the artist in me. I’m not just a maker, I also am an admirer. I don’t want to push consumerism. I do want to just share things that I find beautiful and inspiring. So… I’m considering curating products like home decor, jewelry, candles and fashion accessories on mooreaseal.com. Would you like to see a new era of me curating products in addition to sharing the things I make? I’m a multi-hyphenated sort of person. I’m just happier with a few careers rather than one! Do you relate?
Speaking of writing… I’ve designed new, more modern and minimal, graphic and bright editions of 52 Lists for Calm and 52 Lists for Happiness that will be coming out Dec 5th with a HUGE retailer. EEK! More to come. I can’t wait to share the new covers, updated content and fresh design with you all. And can’t wait to use the journals myself in the new year. I’m in a season of returning to what once fueled me and removing any of the parts that were too much. Things are on their way to feeling right. Pulling tarot cards seriously helps me be a more optimistic person!